I try not to judge someone when I first meet them. But this man was different. I could tell by the way he looked at me and my daughters that there was something wrong with him.
I felt shivers down my back the moment I locked eyes with him. We were at a birthday party for my neighbor’s daughter who was turning 7. Just a couple of houses down the block from us.
This man was apparently an ‘uncle’. He had long white hair in a pony tail, blue eyes and a stench of alcohol that I smelled the moment I entered my neighbor’s living room. Throughout the party he consumed several drinks, beer, wine and I think whiskey.
He embodied creepy. He stared at the kids in such an intense way. At one point he tried to engage my two year old, but I stepped in front of him and moved her away. No way this man would get anywhere near my children.
Apparently I wasn’t the only mom who felt uneasy, because another mom came over and we commented on how ‘strange’ the ‘uncle’ seemed. I wanted to get this man’s name, so I eventually asked my neighbor that I thought I recognized the ‘uncle’ from somewhere (the Most Wanted list). The neighbor gave me the name, apparently unaware of the uneasiness around this ‘uncle’ of his and I wrote it down on a piece of paper in case I forgot.
For the rest of the party I watched my children like a hawk. Any time I saw the ‘uncle’ near my girls, I stepped close to them and pretended to show them something exciting. “Oh look here’s a bathroom, oh awesome, here’s the kitchen!” My oldest daughter knew that I wanted them away from the man and told me that I didn’t have to pretend to show them the bathroom, they had seen it many times before, and she knew the man was creepy.
I didn’t really talked to the ‘uncle’ except for one brief exchange when he told me he had a rifle, and that he’d love to shoot a bear that had been spotted in the area a few days ago.
“You can get in trouble WITH THE LAW for that,” I said.
“No big deal,” he answered smiling.
Major creep alert! At this point I really wanted to leave. When were the cake and presents coming???
Finally we sang, I, off key (totally unrelated to my fear about the man, but more the result of my tone deaf condition) and nervous the entire time, the girls eager for the icing from the cake and the ensuing sugar rush.
We finally made it out of the party and when I got home I checked the uncle’s name in the sexual offenders database.
HIS NAME WAS THERE. HE WAS AND STILL IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR. Convicted twice of crimes with minors under the age of twelve. Released 3 months ago.
I was shocked. I know that I must have met sexual offenders before in my life without knowing it, but to see it there on the web-site and to know that my children and I were so close to him was chilling.
Rational thought: He paid a price for the crime committed. He’s a free man.
Mom’s instinct: I want to get a gun and stand guard by my children’s bedroom.
Also, inviting him to a kids’ birthday party? He probably didn’t break any laws, but is it a good idea? Is he rehabilitated? Does prison rehabilitate people who need help (I think not)? The only clue, drinking in the early afternoon wasn’t pointing in the rehabilitation direction.
I was afraid this man would ask where we lived and try to hurt my children. I told my daughters that I couldn’t send them to play at the neighbor’s home anymore. The little girl was always welcome to come at our house, but not the other way around.
I was obsessed with that man. I set my home alarm system, checked the doors and windows compulsively, and peaked through the blinds of the window overlooking the road to see if I spotted him walking around.
I contemplated getting a gun or a German Sheppard. Neither idea would fly with my husband. The gun, too dangerous with my Italian temper, and the Sheppard would be our fourth pet. As I said, not really an option.
I’m glad that I can check sexual offenders on a registry. Most states have them, and while they have discretion as to how much information they share, the names are there. I’m not going to get into the invasion of privacy versus public concern debate and discuss the merits and drawbacks of making sexual offenders names available to the public.
I’ll give you two web-sites if you ever need to check offenders in your area:
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That is creepy. I’m not sure I’d invite a relative like that to a child’s birthday party, or to my house ever with children there.
All I’m going to say is I’m thankful for those sites too.
Are you kidding me! I would be on the phone to the birthday party mom and I’d be furious. There are NO circumstances where it is acceptable to invite a convicted sex offender to a child’s birthday party when other children will be there. If you want to expose your children to that person fine, but to expose other people’s children is absolutely unacceptable. For heavens sake, I ask other moms before I let their kids watch Spongebob at my house! He should not have been there and, if he was going to be there, then that mom should have had the common decency to make sure all the moms of the invited children knew about the situation. You sound worried in your post – I’d be ANGRY!
Yes, the more I think about it the more I think I should confront my neighbor and tell her that it was completely inappropriate.
Thank you for pointing this out Kate!
I’m still hoping that I can convince my husband to get a mean German Shepard named Rex, one of my dreams….
oi! Way to listen to your instincts! Bravo!!
I’m willing to guess that that hostess doesn’t believe the accusations against the *uncle* Or has blocked something from her memory.
I know families where it has been proven that someone in the family is like this uncle, and half the family will believe it, and the other half will flat out deny it.
Unfortunately, I think it’s true. I had a friend who told me her mom never believed her about an awful abuse with the mom’s brother. Sad but true.
Thank you for stopping by Ovolina.
I would absolutely call the neighbor who had this “uncle” over. And the authorities as well – isn’t there a law that sex offenders are supposed to stay away from children???
Yipes – how scary, Anita!!! I’m so glad your girls have such an astute mom.
many psych studies have been done on sexual predators, especially those with the fixation of pedophilia and they cannot be rehabilitated, served time or no.
everyone needs to keep their kids away from him, he is dangerous. Period.
The laws may be different from state to state but I know in some that sex offenders who commit crimes against minors aren’t allowed to live near schools or day cares and they aren’t allowed to engage children in conversations. You might want to check the laws against the crimes he committed.
In any case you made the right call saying your kids can no longer play at the neighbors house.I don’t know that I’d call the neighbor (probably because of my non-confrontational nature) but I definitely wouldn’t let the kids over there again and I’d make doubly sure I knew where they were at all times while playing outside.
Good luck dealing with this.
That’s way creepy! And I can’t believe the neighbors didn’t warn you!!! Inviting a sexual predator to a kid’s birthday party is inexcusable, but if you’re going to do it, you should at least give the guests a heads-up! It’s such a good thing you check those watchdog lists; that would make me beyond uncomfortable too! How scary! I’m glad your momma bear instincts kicked in!
(That’s alot of exclamation points for one paragraph).
Ditto with what everyone else has said. How either incredibly naive or incredibly stupid or just down right wrong for anyone to allow a convicted sex offender at a child’s birthday party. I would definitely say something – maybe the neighbor doesn’t know and her children are also at risk? Thank God you listened to your inner warning.
I have stopped denying my mother’s instinct in cases like this in order to “find the good” or “not prejudge” – if it smells like a creep, talks like a creep and drinks like a creep – it probably is. I can always apologize later if I was wrong. Rehabilitation for crimes like that can take decades to take hold in the offenders soul. Or maybe never.
BTW – the German Shepard sounds like a good idea. But, in this case, maybe a hungry pit bull trained to sniff out the creepy ones? Or what about a trained crocodile? Or lion??!! Better yet, just have your husband tell his unit and I’ll bet they set up a guard around the house 24/7…
I’d love to get a trained crocodile – the logistics of how to train him/her would be awesome
I’m afraid you’re right – rehabilitation for those crimes takes a long time – if it ever works. It’s sad to think about that…
Going to visit your blog now
Cheers
A
Anita,
Way to trust your mama bear instincts! My husband was a soccer coach for one of our daughters, and one year there was this really creepy dad that sent all the moms into alert mode. He hung around the practices and kept trying to ‘help’ and it was so awkward. I was so glad that I wasn’t the only one who was uncomfortable with the dad. Never underestimate that instinct.
I want to reiterate what everyone here is saying and commend you for listening to your intuition. A lot of people would’ve tried to talk themselves out of their “irrational” fears.
I would be willing to bet that if this man is recently released from prison then he is on parole. In that case, it is almost certain that one of the conditions of his parole is that he not be anywhere near children in any way. You could probably investigate this a little and report him to his parole officer. He has no business being anywhere near any children- even if he is “related” to them.
Anita, the man most likely did break the law just by being at a children’s birthday party. He was probably released with the stipulation that he not be within a certain distance of any place where children gather such as school, church, day care centers and nurseries, birthday parties, orphanages/children’s homes, residences where children live, like your house and your neighbor’s, and any other place where children are known to gather. You could have anonymously reported this man and should have. Perhaps it isn’t too late!
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