I write because
it’s a connection with worlds, people
at times I make you angry
or maybe I make you smile
Some days
it fills the space between us
or it makes that distance even more impossible to bridge
but on occasions our words are exactly what we mean
Writing
it comes from my heart
sometimes it’s raw
sometimes it’s funny
it may be flat
it needs work
lots more work
perhaps it’s fine just the way it is
it’s a story of the past
a moment in the present
a glimpse in an uncertain future
Writing
it humbles
teaches
feeds
leaves me wanting for more
Writing
It’s who I am, what I do, through words and more words
All that, and I really couldn’t do otherwise.
More about Anita >>
I found my way here from a newspaper website that had an article by you about giving back your adopted child.
I read this posting of yours seeking some clarity about why you had chosen to post about your failure as an adopter. I notice I’m not the only one imagining your son as a teenager reading all this.
Will you consider posting about your decision to post that story?
Hi Anita
read your heart – rending article in the Guardian on 21st Nov.09.
Really touched by your overwhelming honesty and generosity of spirit.
thank you for sharing
we need more people like you!
best wishes
for the holiday season and the new year
sally
Sally
thank you for your message. You’re very kind.
Best wishes to you and your family also for the holidays
Cheers,
Anita
Anita, I was taken aback to check in here and see that you had replied to a post after mine without a response to me or my question.
Too busy to be constantly on line would be of course understandable, but you have been here and chosen to ignore me. ‘m not sure what to make of that.
I had a quick scan through the other comments sections and this seems to be a pattern – only complimentary and flattering posts are acknowledged.
Is this a tactic? Are you ignoring the neutral or negative voices in the hopes that they will go away?
NB I consider myself neutral – I’m looking for further information.
I must assume that you still wish to engage on this topic as an article authored by you was recently published.
Lisa,
I don’t answer all the comments on my blog. I don’t usually engage in back and forth on my blog. I write my experiences, opinions, whatever else, and then people are free to comment – that;’s why my comment section is open but I won’t necessarily respond to all of them.
You pose a good question and while I’ve gone to great lengths to protect the child’s identity, using different pseudonyms and places of origins in publications there’s always a chance he may find out about his time with us.
At that point he may have his story to tell and his own experiences.
I’m working on something that addresses your specific question and will definitely let you know when I post.
Best Wishes,
Anita
Dear Anita
I have just read in the Saturday Gaurdian about your experiences when you adopted a baby boy and found that you had to let him go to another family. I know it may seem strange coming from a man but I understand the lack of that feeling of attachment and the reciprocal response given by the child. My grandson is Autistic (11 years old now) and when he was a baby and I held him in my arms I could feel no connection with him, no resonance between us, he was like a doll so unlike how it was like with my own children. I felt you were very honest and brave to admit that things were not going to work out with Dan.
Many natural parents of children do not seem to want them yet hang onto to them and make their lives a misery. As a supervisor I work with counsellors, some of whom work with children and others with adults. Over the years I can see the damage that can be done to children by parents, perhaps not consciously, but nevertheless the damage that may be buried below the surface for many year, later on causes problems for the adult in later life.
You had the courage to be different and in my expereince ‘difference’ in this world frightens some people. The ones that project their hate towards you do this because you have dared to show up a weakness in them possibly the lack of honesty and humility. They have yet to evolve to your level of consciousness.
Yours sincerely
Mike
I read your brave article in the Guardian and wanted to say that I appreciate your honesty.
I have read lots about Reactive Attachment disorder/Aspergers and this is surely what your adopted son was suffering from.
I married a man who, after 30 years of marriage, said he didn’t love any of us – my three children included. He had been abandoned by his mother three times at a young age. Bonding is something he never had; this has disastrous consequences to the rest of his life – and ours. He is the child who was not nurtured early enough and learned to build a brick wall around his emotions.
You made the right decision to hand your son to someone who might be able to deal with his special needs.
I believe you were open to criticism; that is normal. People who are ignorant of reasons why children behave in a certain way cannot understand why your child was indifferent – or had Aspergers traits.
I empathise your reasons for writing; I am addicted!
Regards
Marian
Just read today the article at: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/nov/21/adoption-anita-tedaldi
Thought you were very brave & wise writing about your experiences. Your very honest view puts some reality into family life, which some seem to object to these days. I appreciated your writing about your adoption experience & the trials & the amount of time, love & energy you devoted to “Dan”.
Well done – many would not have managed the care that you did with Dan, plus now he is well suited to a new family, which was unlikely to have happened without you.
In my opinion, you did very well, tried your best & it worked out good for the child in the end. Glad you write.
Thank you for your kind comments and for the questions some have sent. I try to respond to all of them
Best,
Anita
Nice info.But so complicated.And it is night time here.I must go to sleep.But i will continue reading tomorrow.Anyway thanks a lot for the article.