Speaking with Nadya Suleman, Octomom

I don’t know what it’s like to be in anyone else’s shoes.

Walking my own path is difficult enough without trying to figure out what’s best for others. What I do know is that some of the hatred displayed on the internet especially in anonymous forums is disconcerting.

Rather than boycotting the web, I’ve decided to start my own fight the crap movement with a series of interviews with people from all walks of life.

I’m starting with Nadya Suleman, the controversial mother of fourteen whose story captured the internet, before Tiger Woods hijacked it all.

q. After giving birth to the octuplets there was so a lot of negative press. Some went as far as suggesting that you actually had the babies to gain media attention. What’s your response to this?

It’s ridiculous to suggest that I’d have eight children to get on television. Mine was a difficult and unexpected situation. I didn’t have the babies to get in the media spotlight, I had my children because I love them and I always wanted a large family. I adore kids, I have fourteen of them and love them beyond anything I could express in words. The media frenzy was a consequence, not something I had in mind when I wanted to expand my family.

q. Some of the controversy focused on your choice to have multiple children at once, and on the fact that you were a single mother already caring for six little ones.
a. I understood the criticism and where people were coming from, especially with some of the negative press and headlines. People don’t know me and go by a few titles they read on the news, so it’s easy to form incorrect opinions.
In terms of my decision, I wanted one more child, which wouldn’t have made a difference to me because I already had six. I didn’t start out wanting eight babies at once. I had six embryos available to me and I considered those my babies. I would have never destroyed them, but keeping embryos is difficult financially and emotionally. We went ahead and implanted the six embryos because of my history of the embryos not taking, so I never expected all of them to take. I had the option to abort them but I would have never done that. That’s how I found myself pregnant with multiples. It wasn’t planned, but it happened.

q. Did your background have a lot to do with your desire to have a large family?
a. It did in the sense that I was an only child and really wanted siblings growing up. I felt very lonely.

q. How was and is your relationship with your parents right now?
a. Growing up we didn’t have a lot of money. My father had some issues with addiction. I didn’t have the best relationship with my parents, but they tried. Right now, I’m working on my relationship with my mother. I believe it’s important to have grandma around for the children, have contact, have her involved. It’s not easy but I try hard.

q. Do you have particular religious or ethnic traditions you identify with?
a. I currently attend protestant church.

q. I’m not going to ask you which one, or photographers will flock to it. But what is it like to be a mom always in the spotlight, to have your every move followed, everything you do judged?
a. It can be tough. I know who I am behind the ‘octomom’ label. I can separate myself from this image. I’m not even angry or mad at people who have personally attacked me because I know who I am, what I’m about, how much I care for my children. I try to stay focused on the positive and avoid negativity. There were many things that were out there in the media that were completely incorrect which contributed to some of the anger people showed toward me. Everyone believed that I was taking government aid, that’s not true. I’m self supporting, I pay my bills and I work hard.

q. Pregnancy isn’t easy, and your body has been through a lot. Was recovering difficult for you and what helped?
a. Recovery was very smooth. I had a c-section and healed up quickly. I lost all of the weight and I attribute that to really good genes. I did have some issues afterward which were covered extensively in the news, but overall things went very well for me and for the babies.

q. Do you get time for yourself, for example to exercise?
a. I have very little time to myself, I focus on giving each child individual attention whenever I can. I’m almost always with one or two of the kids and really try to give the older ones time alone with mommy. I get to go to the gym in the middle of the night, I don’t sleep that much but I try to take naps whenever I can.

q. You’re a single mom with many little ones. Do you envision the babies’ father involved in their upbringing, or do you see yourself doing it alone?
a. I would love the father to take part, but I don’t believe he will. Initially, after the eight were born I tried, but it’s not happening, and it won’t happen in the near future

q. In what way do you think the media has been unfair to you or to your children?
Luckily, they haven’t been unfair to the kids. For me personally, I think that they painted me as someone who intentionally did this – had the octuplets – to gain media attention rather than someone who made a choice and then found herself at the center of media frenzy. It’s a difficult position because no matter what I do the media tries to spin it negatively. I support a large family completely on my own. I would be lambasted if I were on government dollars, and lambasted if I do a documentary about my life.

q. What would you like the public to know about you?
a. I’m a single mom who fully supports her family. I make choices, I learn, I make some mistakes, I make good decisions, and I move forward, like any other mom. I want to use whatever good or voice I have right now for something positive, for causes I believe in. I want to help with autism research and support. This is very close to my heart because one of my children has autism and I know how tough it can be on a parent. I’m involved with a program sponsored by UC Riverside called SEARCH which provide support and resources for families dealing with autism. I would like to do more in this field.

q. Do you have support and a sympathetic ear when you need something?
a. I have friends. In the last few months I’ve unfortunately discovered that many people want to get something out of the situation, so I have to be careful. A friend sold pictures of me pregnant and that was tough. But yes, I do have friends.

q. What are your future plans?
a. I don’t think past tomorrow! Right now I’m writing a memoir and have a great support system, great nannies and my attorney Jeffrey Czech. All these people have really helped me. And I don’t look at the internet or read the newspapers, I concentrate on my family and my work.

q. Everyone seems to be so focused on the difficult aspects of having many children at once. What are some of the positive aspects?
a. It’s great that my children grow up together and have each other in a way that I didn’t. It’s wonderful to see how they are attached to one another, to know that they will always have this strong bond. They learn to share more, learn to be helpful and there’s always so much going on, it’s so alive.
For me seeing all my babies develop together, laugh with each other, help each other out, it fills me with happiness. Life with many children can be challenging but the rewards are worth every minute of it.