A six year old girl on my daughter’s swim team has a cell phone, which she proudly showcases to everyone who is willing to look at it. She’ll even allow you to play with her games, if you look admiringly at her toy. This has created a negative buzz among other parents, who think that a six year old shouldn’t have a cell phone.
When another parent asked me when I thought my daughters would have a cell phone, I realized that this thought hadn’t crossed my mind. This parent went on to share the ages at which her two girls would be allowed to put on make up, go on dates, drive a car, even have plastic surgery. Luckily, I don’t have to worry about this last one, because with five daughters I won’t have enough money to afford any kind of cosmetic procedure. But, so accurate was this parent — I was surprised she didn’t just pull out a spreadsheet – that I wondered if I was too clueless about this whole rules and stages thing. And than I thought a bit more, and realized that I know why I am not into planning these things: I am my mother’s daughter.
I grew up with few rules in my home in Rome, Italy, because I was a little angel.
My mom and dad gave me complete freedom, within the Italian boundaries of the law, until I did something wrong. I got a cell phone when I was a teen, I had a scooter when I was 14 years old, and my parents thought it was safe enough to let me ‘drive’ to dance class on my own. If I needed, or wanted, something, I got it. If I abused it, it was taken away.
My mom didn’t have a master plan or a spreadsheet with rules on it that told her when or how to give her daughters things, or how to set boundaries. But it worked for us, and she would say that if a spreadsheet works for another parent than that’s great.
Which brings me back to my little friend with the cell phone. Personally, I wouldn’t give my daughter, who is seven, a cell phone because she isn’t going anywhere without me, and because it’s not in our budget. Practicality trumps any philosophical debate on this one. But, I don’t really care to judge my little friend or her parents. It works for them, who am I to criticize? I haven’t walked in their shoes, so I don’t know why or how they came to their decision.
And if someone makes a mistake — we all do sometimes — it’s not my job to point it out. Some parents in the group commented that the cell phone is expensive and the girl is too young, but haven’t we all spoiled our kids one time or another?
Plus, and the real reason why I don’t say anything, is that I want her phone. It has better features than mine and it’s a newer version. Maybe, I can convince her to swap my old black one for her new pink and shiny one.
After all, we have the same provider.
More about Anita >>
I love this post! I think your Mom had it right – let the level of responsibility fit the child. I wouldn’t get a cell phone for my child when she turns seven, unless there’s a good reason (although like you, I can’t imagine what that would be), AND she can handle it.
You have it worse than me. That fight didn’t start until 3rd grade. And we still haven’t given in.
I also operate without a spreadsheet as did my Mother. And I had no rules. Until I messed up. And then I was toast. Today, I am a responsible adult who still worships her parents…albiet deceased. Times were different then, and they could raise us on love, trust and a basic guidelines. I wish we had the same freedom.
Sorry about your loss Stiletto mom
Goodfather – I also think that it would be rare to have a mature 7 year old who needs a phone….but live and let live – plus I want her phone
I’ve never been here before, and I have to tell you, when I clicked over to your site, the first thing that caught my attention was your header. My goodness, THAT’S ADORABLE!! I love it.
I’m with you on the whole “don’t comment about other’s parenting because what works for you and them, doesnt’ necessisarily work for everone.” It’s true. Walk a mile in thier shoes, and then you’re qualified to comment. One thing that I can say though, with certainty, is that if Mom has everything THAT planned out, she needs to schedule her self in there for some disappointment, as well. And you know, not all disappointments are bad.
Also, see if hse has a sister and we’ll both mug them so we can have new phones.
Loved your post. Right on the nose with you and your thoughts on the deal…including on trying to swap her phone with yours
Thanks for stopping by my blog today
Yeah, I agree. Everyone parents differently and actually, different kids need different parenting, but I do think planning rules that far in advance is a little extreme. I like to go with the flow a bit more.
My little boys with cell phones? They’re far too young to even think about it yet, and they’re BOYS! I’m barely responsible enough to have my own.
I grew up much like you did. I was a pretty good kid, just the usual rebellious stuff. My parents didn’t set a curfew for me until my sophomore year in HS, and only because I started pushing it past an acceptable limit. So far, it has worked for us to parent the same way.
Don’t know that I could give my soon-to-be 8 yr old a phone. I personally don’t think she would be ready for the responsibility of keeping up with it.
If I had a spreadsheet I would have misplaced it by now… I am lucky if i can keep track of my kids
We gave my oldest a cell phone when she was 13 1/2 (she will be 17 at the end of the year)…. we were moving halfway across the country and we thought it would be a cheap way for her to stay in touch with her friends. 3 years later, her younger brother (13 on the same day his sister turns 17) has been asking for one for a while. I have resisted it mostly for practical reasons (we homeschool and he is usually nearby… within earshot). But as he is gaining independence and walking to the base theater or shoppette, there have been plenty of times I have wished he had a phone so I could call and tell him I need him home. He may be getting one for Christmas.
My 10yo daughter wants one because she has friends who have them. But these friends are not homeschooled. There is no practical reason for her to have one. We’ll be waiting. Thankfully the youngest (8yo boy) knows there is no reason for him to have one and isn’t asking. Thank goodness for family plans that include unlimited texting!!